when i was a child i wanted to grow up so fast. i wished that i could be older. more priviliges, all the perks. but now i realise that childhood is something to treasure. i wish i could relive all the memories- running through the sprinklers, swimming in the neighbours pool, lounging around just playing. Life seemed so simple. well in retrospect at least. looking back the smallest things seemed to be end-of-the-world situations. oh how naive i was- i still am. all the memories, of hot summers, family bbqs, childhood friends, primary school. bliss. isn't it funny that we always wish we could go back to a previous time, but really we only remember the good times and forgot many of the bad. We miss that it was tough, and we hated it. we wished to grow up so badly. 'back then' or 'back in my day' as i will tell my children and grandchildren, life was carefree and wonderful! ..but really i wanted to grow up quickly, very quickly. i recall my anticipation for high school, but weren't my preconceptions wrong! not long before i wished that i could go back to primary school. where homework was 2+3 and science was making shebert or volcanoes out of bicarb soda and vinegar. We played, laughed, read a bit, did some school work, slept, ate and played some more.
Now its seems that we have to make big decisions that will really affect our future. the future i so quickly wanted to reach now seems to be just around the corner, but im not sure what awaits anymore. choosing subjects was a big decision that seems to have lifelong implications, but i know that its not that big a deal. all the hype and attention, the careers talks, open days. it all has one idea in mind- your career and academic future. but life is soo much more than that. i want to live a life with God in mind. i don't plan to spend 24/7 studying or working. that is not my idea of a life, nor anyones(well maybe a select few). so what about the rest of my future. growing up has its benefits, the ones i looked forward to as a kid, the freedom, independence, opportunities. I seem to get caught up with it all, the stress of choosing subjects, planning my future, deciding what i want to do. but what i want to do isn't merely an occupation. i think sometimes i forget this and i wish i didn't. i still look forward to the freedom that i will get once i finish yr 12, but i realise that i should also live for now, afterall once looking back i will remember all the good memories and wish that i could once again be 16. its just the way life works. afterall the grass is always greener on the otherside isn't it?
so for now i will savour the moment and wait, knowing that my future is my future and will be whatever i make of it.
